Monday, January 30, 2012

This trophy tends to slip off the shelf....

Source: Sapphire Jenson

A candy heart is easily broken and melted...

I have to admit that I chose to see a man that I have never met face to face. We have been talking for about two years. We are great friends and I realized that I could not imagine my life without this man. He lives very far away. These are things which make the relationship difficult, I understand this.
He has begun to act like a man (see my blog "What I mean when I say man")!!! He has, for two years, been acting like a male, but recently he has been acting like a man. It seems that I was just another trophy for him to put on a shelf.
We began having a committed relationship about two months ago. A month ago, he stopped saying he loved me unless I said it first. Three weeks ago, he stopped calling and texting as he usually did. He has all kinds of reasons and most, if not all, are logical and understandable, at least until you put them all together...
I am not a trophy. I don't stay on the shelf very well. I have trouble being neglected. In the process of trying to be patient and understanding, I have become socially active. Therefore, I have come to the attention of several males (men?) and I am lonely. I have come to see the possibility of having a relationship that is not so far away. However, I do care very deeply for this man. Yes, I am now calling him a man. I have tried to talk to him about it, but he has all these logical and rational reasons for neglecting me. I am doing my best to use my program of recovery on this, but I am losing faith in him. I feel that he has become bored or he has found someone else and doesn't want to tell me, for whatever reason (possibly my condition and depression?).
The other thing he has done is to call me when no one else is around, as if he is hiding something. Perhaps, I have done something or said something that has caused this, but as long as he refuses to talk about it, I can do nothing to fix it. Either for this relationship or the next.
I am not perfect, I know this. I tend to want to be on the phone with him even while he is doing other things, just to feel close to him. I understand that men don't like this. I would be willing to just text a few times one day and talk on the phone the next, for a short while. I just need to know that he thinks of me. I really don't think he does anymore. I think he only remembers me when everyone else is busy. I am sorry for this development in our relationship, and I have no idea how to fix it, but I know me. When I begin to feel this way it doesn't take long before I begin to let go of the relationship and just let it fall behind me. Then, the man is wondering what happened because I inform him of what has happened only as it becomes necessary to inform him.
I would rather deal with the heartbreak all at once than to deal with it daily. This is your warning, love. I hope you heed it. I do not wish to end the relationship because I do love you. I will not live with heartbreak and wait for you to decide what it is you want for much longer. So, hurry and make up your mind.

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